Adoption Unfiltered
Available now by Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Adoption Unfiltered authors Sara Easterly (adoptee), Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard (birth parent), and Lori Holden (adoptive parent) interview dozens of adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, social workers, therapists, and other allies—all sharing candidly about the challenges in adoption. While finding common ground in the sometimes-contentious space of adoption may seem like a lofty goal, it reveals the authors’ optimistic aim: working together with truth and transparency to move toward healing.
Healing isn’t possible, though, without first uncovering the hurts—starting with adoption’s central players: adoptees, who are so often in pain, suffering from what the latest brain science validates as the long-term emotional effects of separation trauma. By encouraging others to vulnerably share their stories, the authors discover that adoptees aren’t the only ones in the adoption constellation who are hurting. Birth parents regularly shut down after being shut out by adoptive parents. Adoptive parents often struggle with unique parenting challenges and hidden insecurity, feeling the need to hide the fact that they are not the Super Parents they led the agency to believe they would be. Across the industry as a whole, misinformed and even unethical practices abound.
Adoption Unfiltered models the importance of adults in adoption working together in the spirit of curiosity and empathy—to better support adoptees and their first and adoptive families.
“Easterly, Vander Vliet Ranyard, and Holden model beautifully in Adoption Unfiltered the complexities of the Both/And of adoption. As someone who has worked in the adoption industry since 1990 I know firsthand the dedication it takes to sit in community with other members of the adoption constellation (in this case an adoptee, a birth/first parent, and an adoptive parent) with the common goal of creating a body of work that is respectful and empathetic, while also critical and innovative. In Adoption Unfiltered, Easterly, Vander Vliet Ranyard, and Holden show us how it’s done!”
—ASTRID CASTRO, adoptee and CEO/Founder of Adoption Mosaic
“Adoption Unfiltered is a dream come true. As an adoptee and the leader of an organization that values inclusiveness, collaboration, courage, and trust, this book resonated with me deeply. I found myself cheering the authors on as I read. We grow in our understanding through listening to others, hearing them, feeling with them, and honoring their lived experiences. Adoption Unfiltered provides a unique opportunity to do just this. The triad of authors—Sara, Kelsey, and Lori—structured their work and successfully collaborated to elevate authentic voices, with the adoptee at the center. They expose many of the raw issues, the ones that are hardest for many to acknowledge. The hard truths. They also provide sound suggestions for individual, and institutional, healing. Nuanced and thought-provoking, this book should be required reading for everyone, from adoptees and their families to adoption professionals and policymakers. This book is a true gem that offers a unique perspective on adoption and illuminates the way forward for understanding, healing, and growth.”
—BETSIE NORRIS, adoptee; founder and executive director of Adoption Network Cleveland
“Adoption Unfiltered is the most important book of our modern adoption generation. With grief and loss existing in a space with hope and healing, we finally get to see a glimpse of those lived experiences through adoption in a way that is relatable, educational, and tangible. We finally know better, and this book is doing better.”
—ASHLEY MITCHELL, birth mother and founder of Lifetime Healing Foundation
“Adoption Unfiltered is a brilliant blend of diverse perspectives, clinical findings, and lived experience. The authors offer thoughtful, beautifully written insight synthesized through not only three positions in the adoption constellation, but from three distinct generations as well: Gen X adoptee, millennial birth mother, and boomer adoptive parent. Our three united authors deliver both breadth and depth as they weave a diversity of voices and experience in the adoption community through their thoughtful, powerful narratives. At times painful, at times healing, and consistently candid and triumphant, this trio of exceptional and caring authors guide us to a passionate mandate for not only change in the way of adoption reform, but a practical road map to get there. Adoption Unfiltered is what happens when people really speak up and listen to each other in community and invites us to embrace its lessons of enlightenment and the possibility of personal and systemic change. This authentic, dynamic, and unique work is an important contribution to the adoption canon.”
—SUZANNE BACHNER, adoptee; author and director of the award-winning play The Good Adoptee
“Adoption Unfiltered is a blazing, insightful, expansive, and informative triumph centering the lives of those touched by the complexities of adoption. The trio of authors present a masterwork that blends the perspectives and challenges faced by adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents in a way that holds their shared humanity while challenging existing systems in adoption. A must-read.”
—TONY HYNES, adoptee, author of The Son With Two Moms, and training specialist at Center for Adoption Support and Education (C.A.S.E.)
“At last, an honest, plain-speaking guidebook for those who navigate adoption’s choppy waters. As a mother who relinquished my daughter in the dark ages of closed adoption, I was stunned by the brutal honesty of Adoption Unfiltered and cannot recommend this book more highly. Adoption Unfiltered belongs in the hands of all adoptive parents and those considering becoming one, natural parents who have endured adoption’s loss, adult adoptees who are on the journey of putting themselves together—and everyone working in the field of adoption. Expect to be surprised.”
—LORRAINE DUSKY, birth parent and author of Hole In My Heart and Birthmark
“Finally … a truth-telling book that validates the lived trauma of adoption and shows a way out of the suffering through truth, courage, grieving, and change. The stories are moving, the analysis is sound, the compassion is comforting, and the call for change is clear. We must not and cannot remain unmoved. Adoption Unfiltered is a must-read for all who care, whether personally involved in a story of adoption or not. It is not only adoption unfiltered; it calls us to be adoption wise.”
—GORDON NEUFELD, PH.D., clinical psychologist, founder of the Neufeld Institute, and bestselling author of Hold On to Your Kids
“Adoption Unfiltered offers an unsparing deconstruction of the happy-ever-after conventional wisdom about adoption as it crushes the familiar tropes that portray adopters as saviors, birthparents as selfless, and adoptees as blank slates who need nothing more to flourish than a loving stable home. It casts a clear, unflinching eye on the complexities, inequities, and failures of the system, pointing to the need for a more ethical practice that centers the wellbeing of adoptees. The authors offer as a prerequisite to such reparation the ability for each member of the adoption constellation to see through the lens of the others and understand the depth and full dimension of their experiences.”
—B.K. JACKSON, editor, Severance magazine
“It’s never been more important for all parties of the adoption constellation to come to the table to craft essential reform. Change can’t happen, however, until we all have a better understanding of each other’s perspectives. Adoption Unfiltered has the ability to do just that—break down the walls to start candid conversations. This book amplifies the seldom-heard adoptee voice, expresses the journey of loss for birth parents, and includes the often dominant voice of adoptive parents. All parties agree change has to happen, but not until we pull back the veil and share rarely heard, raw first-hand experiences from those who have lived it.”
—REBECCA VAHLE, M.Ed., adoptive parent; founder and executive director of Family to Family Support Network
“As a foster parent educator, I am so excited that the book I have longed for now exists. Brilliantly written, Adoption Unfiltered may not be an easy read (because of the way it challenges old ideas), but it skillfully and thoroughly probes the societal narrative about adoption, leaving the reader to deeply re-examine their own beliefs. Adoption Unfiltered should be mandatory reading for anyone contemplating entry into adoption, as well as for their friends, co-workers, and family members.”
—KATIE BIRON, foster/adoptive parent; creator of the Family Connections Program™ and author of The Love Tree
“The rare opportunity to experience an adoptee, birth mother, and adoptive mother communicating honestly and compassionately offers a much-needed model for those navigating the inevitable tensions and joys that exist in adoption.”
—ANGELA TUCKER, adoptee and author of You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identity and Transracial Adoption
“As both scholarly examination and deeply personal narrative, this is a carefully crafted, highly respectful, broadly readable examination of adoption. This is a meeting of minds, hearts, advocacy, and empathy. There’s just so much here!”
—GLENN MOREY, adoptee and creator of the Side by Side project and the New York Times Op Doc and Audible Original Given Away
“As a person adopted in the 1960s, this is the kind of ground-breaking book I wish my adoptive parents had read. It does not shy away from the harsh realities of what adoption truly means to everyone. The pages are full of honest accounts of the emotional impact to all parties. I identified with it all and read each word with relief that this factual book is now informing our culture. This is the truth of our experience, which so many choose to not want to understand. But understand we must for the sake of all families affected by adoption. I highly recommend this book to anyone considering adoption, or who is associated with adoption in any way. Adoption will continue to take place, but honest books like this will help make sure that this next generation of adoptees do not have to suffer in the way so many of us have and still do.”
—ZARA PHILLIPS, adoptee, singer, songwriter, playwright, and author of Somebody’s Daughter
“Adoption Unfiltered is a powerful book that is based entirely on lived-experience expertise from each triad member, yet centres the adoptee. So much wisdom learned over decades by those who have made mistakes and now know better, covering all the complexities I wish everyone knew—the real truths about adoption. I highly recommend Adoption Unfiltered for anyone but especially for the adoptee and their parents, biological and adoptive—and it should be mandatory reading in adoption education and for anyone considering adoption, as it will help prevent the ongoing trauma we adoptees typically experience in most adoptions to date.”
—LYNELLE LONG, adoptee and founding director of InterCountry Adoptee Voices (ICAV)
“Adoption Unfiltered is required reading for anyone who is part of the adoption constellation, including the central core triad. Using voices and perspectives from adoptees, birth parents, and adopting parents, this book reveals the inner thoughts, challenges, and possibilities each have experienced within themselves and the American culture, providing a map to navigate these complicated and complex roles. Kudos for creating a space for this much-needed conversation.”
—SUSAN DEVAN HARNESS, adoptee and author of Bitterroot: A Salish Memoir of Transracial Adoption
“Adoption Unfiltered is a well-researched tapestry of adoptee, birth/first family, and adoptive parent voices, experiences, and resources expertly woven into a pathway of hope for future generations. The trio of authors have created a space for compassionate truism while dispelling myths with the hard facts about the complexities of adoption. A compelling read for anyone seeking to understand the multi-faceted world of adoption.”
—MARCIE J KEITHLEY, first parent, co-founder/executive leader of National Association of Adoptees and Parents (NAAP), and author of The Shoebox Effect: Transforming Pain Into Fortitude and Purpose
“The chapter titles alone should pull people into NEEDING to read this book. Adoption Unfiltered is a book we must gather around in the adoption community so we can share among the general public. Adoption is still largely misunderstood and the system of adoption in the U.S. is in need of an overhaul. It is clear from the first pages of Adoption Unfiltered that the voices within it are raising ALL the issues that should be considered as we move forward in evolving adoption in America and elsewhere.”
—REBECCA RICARDO, LCSW, adoptee, birth parent, and executive director of C2Adopt
“Adoption Unfiltered fills an immense gap in adoption-related course curriculum and resources for individuals immediately impacted by adoption, their allies, and policy makers. Importantly, the authors understand adoptive families as a profound public and private social institution, born out of separation, subject to societal issues of classism, racism, and inequity. Writing across their own divergent standpoints as adoptee, birth parent, and adoptive parent, the authors create a unique space for honing skills in listening and communicating across difference—essential for today’s often polarizing family communicative environment. In Adoption Unfiltered, the authors illuminate paradoxes of adoption—voicing the constraints and losses of adoption as they interanimate with the generative potential of adoptive identities, family relatedness, and communication.”
—ELIZABETH A. SUTER, PH.D., adoptive parent, professor of Communication Studies at University of Denver, adoption researcher, and adoption educator
“What a welcome addition to our adoption libraries! Adoption Unfiltered provides a clear-eyed look at adoption from those most impacted—adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents. I appreciated that they neither overly praise nor condemn the institution of adoption. Rather, they allow space for both the beauty and pain, aiming to make life better for this current generation of adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents.”
—DAWN DAVENPORT, adoptive parent and executive director of Creating a Family
—TASHA JUN, adoptive parent and author of Tell Me the Dream Again: Reflections on Family, Ethnicity, and the Sacred Work of Belonging
REPRESENTING A RANGE
IN ADOPTION EXPERIENCES
* NOT SHOWN, BUT ALSO REPRESENTED: DISABILITY COMMUNITY, SINGLE-PARENT ADOPTION, TWICE-RELINQUISHED ADOPTEE,
PEOPLE WHO CHOSE NOT TO ADOPT, NEVER ADOPTED/AGED OUT OF FOSTER CARE, ATTACHMENT EXPERTS.
Why does representation matter?
There are many more perspectives than the three of us can offer. To help tell a broader and more inclusive story of adoption, we interviewed more than four dozen others from within the adoption constellation. Recognizing that we are cisgendered white women, we intentionally sought and included a range of other experiences and perspectives for Adoption Unfiltered. We have portrayed a mix of open and closed adoptions; intercountry and domestic adoptions; interracial and same-race adoptions. We strived for diversity in race, age, gender, sexual orientation, and more. We also included a balance in views on adoption, because we believe there is value in hearing from voices along the spectrum, and that readers are enriched by even the most difficult-to-hear viewpoints—maybe even especially so.
ADOPTEE VOICES INCLUDED
Amanda Medina
Astrid Castro
Bonita Rockingham
Carmen Hinckley
Cynthia Landesberg
Damon Davis
David Bohl, MA, CASC, MAC
Diego Vitelli, LMFT
Why do adoptee voices matter?
Our society has always claimed to orbit around the best interests of the child. But those deciding on the best interests of the child were not adoptees and as a result, didn’t always get adoption right. What’s more, for decades most of the books written about adoption have been written by nonadoptees. It’s high time that adult adoptees—those who have been at the center of adoption practices—have their viewpoints centered, too, to more effectively guide conversations around what is truly in the best interests of adoptees.
Birth parents have also long been marginalized, and they get prominence in Adoption Unfiltered, too. Adoptive parents are also important, but not as the only stars of the show.
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