ADOPTEE | MOTHER | WRITER

First published by the Neufeld Institute—I feel fortunate that I discovered the Neufeld approach to parenting when my children were quite young, so I knew that they needed me to help bridge the night. But knowledge wasn’t everything. I had to find my sense of play as a parent, too, lest I frustrate myself and begrudgingly wonder why my children …

Understanding how the effects of adoption trauma can look so good they get missed. First published by Severance Magazine—A common mistake adoptive parents make when hearing adult adoptees speak about adoption trauma is discounting their experiences because “times have changed” or their adoptee hasn’t voiced similar feelings. Some parents will straight-up ask their adopted children if they feel the same way …

First published by Lavender Luz—Deciding when and how to share our kids’ stories publicly can be tricky for parents to navigate, especially when it seems everyone around us is posting photos and stories of their children online. Kid-focused posts are usually met with adoration from mainstream culture, who cherish a refreshing break from the rest of the feed that is …

First published by Red Letter Christians—Six years ago, I survived an apocalypse. My mom was dying—and while it felt like my entire world was crashing down on me, that wasn’t the apocalypse. But it was the catalyst for it. Even though I survived just fine, and also found myself flourishing afterwards, I’ve only recently learned that an apocalypse isn’t something …

The slow creep started a couple of weeks ago. I often blame it on the days getting shorter. As summer evenings begin to cool and the days grow shorter, at first I ponder whether it’s got something to do with the changing season or the atmospheric pressure. Gradually it builds, this feeling of isolation and loneliness. Rejection seems to seek …

First published by Red Letter Christians— “You’re God’s gift to us.” “God brought us together.” “It was God’s will for you to join our family.” Have you ever said things like this to your adopted child? For adoptees like me—growing up in Christian circles where adoption is often presented as biblically sanctioned and as abortion’s golden opposite—these blessing statements are …

It’s cool that the first adoptee has been selected for this year’s Gerber Baby contest. Yes, young Magnolia is adorable. But her viral story is what many refer to as an adoption fairy tale—one of many seemingly feel-good news stories that are always centered on the “amazing” adoptive parents’ experience, designed to make society gush. Compliments are usually applied in …

Mother’s Day can be hard—for other reasons besides missing my mom. That’s because I have another mom—the woman who raised me for my first nine months in utero. She delivered me into this world before we were pulled apart by shady adoption practices in an era when patriarchy was left totally unchecked. I felt the mother loss throughout my entire …

Both the Hulu series and book by Celeste Ng, Little Fires Everywhere, have sparked a blaze in me as I devoured both from the perspective of an adult adoptee, mother, daughter, and writer. In celebration of both the book and the on-screen adaptation, over the next several days I’ll be sharing some of my reflections on various themes that stood …

First published by Lavender Luz—As a child, I embodied the role of Fearful Adoptee as if it were a paid Broadway gig. Fretting? Check. Nail-biting? Nailed it. Teeth grinding? In my sleep, baby … though I always slept with my eyes partially open—an unconscious attempt, I now know, at spotting danger coming before it could creep up on me. The …

First published by Lavender Luz—“I’m going to find my real mom!” I shouted at my adoptive mother when I was teenager. I’d learned that this hurt my adoptive mom’s feelings, and these words, I came to understand, had power. But I didn’t always use these words as a weapon, and deep down, I didn’t intend for them to be. The …

I am incredibly touched that Searching for Mom has garnered a gold medal in the memoir category of the Illumination Book Awards, “Shining a Light on Exemplary Christian Books.” What an absolute honor and what fine company I’m among. A part of me wants to keep this on the down-low, after prattling on so much about my journey with this …

First published by This Adoptee Life—My domestic U.S. adoption took place in the 1970s when I was two days old. I’d been told it was a “grey-market adoption,” and as a teenager who loved a good story to tell, I relished the avant-garde sound of that. A story with a hint of scandal and intrigue helped make up for the …

First published by Psychology Today’s Adoption Diaries—“I have always been a terrible liar. One of the obvious traits good liars possess is an ability to keep secrets. But keeping secrets has never been my forté. It’s always felt wrong to hide things, especially from those closest to me.” These are words from my newly released memoir, Searching for Mom. Despite …

Searching for Mom is a spiritual memoir. I want to be forthright in letting you know that. My story is about many things: my mother-longing as an adoptee and my search for my first mother; experiencing the premature death of my mom while trying to make sense of our complicated mother-daughter relationship; my struggles with faith as impacted by my …

Never did I imagine I’d do this, but I am independently publishing Searching for Mom. I’ve spent the last 20 years earnestly dedicated to traditional publishing. I poured my heart into leading the Western Washington chapter of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI). I worked in publishing as a publicist. I’ve supported multiple New York Times bestselling …

I’ve been wearing my mom’s “Transplant Recipient” hoodie a lot lately while I’m at home writing. It helps me feel close to her—which I like, especially with our mother-daughter book releasing next week. I didn’t realize I’d still had my hoodie on when I took the kids to the Burgermaster drive-in the other day. “I’m glad you’re still here,” the …

First published by the Neufeld Institute—I cried all the way to school drop-off this morning. My daughters, buckled in their booster seats in our minivan, heard the voice of Hillary Rodham Clinton playing through the car radio as together we listened to her concession speech. My seven- and eight-year-olds glanced back and forth from each other, then back to me, …

First published by the Neufeld Institute—It’s children’s book season. The Caldecott and Newbery awards have just been announced, so it’s the time of year that Gail Carney and I are usually discussing the books – and their art and authors – that garnered the industry’s prestigious awards from the American Library Association. This year, I beamed with joy when one …

My mom died five months ago. As could only be expected, the months following her death have been intense. There’s been a lot of grief to wade through, grief that comes in many flavors — saccharine to stinging, buttery to bland. It’s one of life’s ultimate futilities, losing a loved one — a mother, no less — to death. I …